Open-air preacher "Brother Sam" Hilson going hammer and tongs at sinners in the park.
All of you will burn in hellfire, so sayeth the Lord," Hilson said to a stroller-bound toddler and her picnicking parents.
After telling a novel-reading Berkeley student that there was "no book but the Good Book," Hilson bore witness to a woman strolling by in a sundress.
"Harlot, dare ye bare your shoulders when the Rapture is nigh?" Hilson said.
At one point, Hilson ministered to a family of Indian-Americans, whom he mistakenly identified as "Muslim demon-worshippers."
His photo-collage display of aborted fetuses, Hitler, Oui magazine centerfolds from the 1980s, and the rock band KISS spared at least 10 others the temptation of the fresh April breeze.
"Someday our jealous and vengeful God will make you regret watching your aerobics sex tapes!" Hilson told a group of kite flyers, who rapidly walked away from him as he strayed momentarily in their direction. "Your kites may reach the sky, but they cannot get you into Heaven! Only Jesus can! Jesus is the One True Kite!"
Read the original story at THE ONION
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