He was much younger that me with a slight pep in his goosestep. Fair and short and of good features. His smile was spontaneous but he hardly smiled. He was in the wild side of life most of the time but look calm and disciplined as a boy scout. He had strong fore arms and a short temper. His anger was felt. Gesturing generously he saved his words.
He loved me and bit me at times, when he grew he embarrassed me with good food, good drink and gifts. He took to too much wine, handled money in abundance, saw his younger brother take his own life. Yet he seemed calm. But within him he suffered and ended up in a asylum. He paid his way through jumped the fence to be part of my wedding. And I traveled miles to be part of his.
His marriage did not last. I lost touch with him and he apparently lost touch with his wife.
Many years went past, I fought my own battles, rarely remembering him and one day I connected with him. His demeanor was a bit dim, he was alone, embarrassed with debts, set aside by his loved ones, away from his wife and son, he languished in loneliness.
He did not gesture any more, no one was there to serve him any more. An occasional cigarette was what he enjoyed. I spent time with him tried to give back all the love he had given me but failed. I lost grip of my own life and did not want sink along with him. I stepped aside to fight my own little battles.
While, Anand, suffered in silence. He was not equipped with words to express. The place of worship was his only abode. One day he decided to choke himself with a noose rather than suffer shame.
He had no words. He never did. He felt, expressed and died.